Monday, December 26, 2011

"Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!"

Yesterday was Christmas, which means that one day ago my whole family (with the exception of one very missed middle big brother) and I got together had some food, opened some gifts, talked really loud so as to drown out the family member sitting next to us, and enjoyed the controlled chaos that is the Clubb Family.

It was blissful.

Fun Fun for everyone, more fun for the youngins who got about a trillion presents each but hey ya can't be young forever. Unless your Victoria Beckham because that chick still looks exactly the same as she did in Spice World. 
Posh for Life!!

So Christmas was great, but today. . .today was the <----yes I just said that. 
I watched Gilmore Girls all day long. The WHOLE day! I had three 6 minute breaks to switch and fold the laundry, two 3 minute potty breaks, and once I sprinted up the stairs to refill my water and bowl of muddy buddies. It was thrilling!! Pajama pants, pony tail, and a pair of my dads extra big socks. 
This is the life!

Yay for Christmas and Gilmore Girls.

Lazy Elf Over and Out

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Jingle Bell 5K

If you have ever met me I am sure our introductions went something like this:
"Hi, I'm Cassie. I hate running, what's your name?"

There are a few variations to this of course. I might have told you that I do not like long walks on the beach (too much like running) or getting caught in the rain (too much like swimming, which if done on dry land would be a lot like running) or pina coladas (but I do like the little umbrellas, if they were big you could use them if you ever got caught in the rain). 

That having been said, the other night I was flustered and clearly vulnerable. It had been a long day of primping and glam in which I was preparing to go to a formal dance. I remember I was driving and it was raining (not cool, I spent an hour curling my hair. Stupid rain.) When my phone went off, I glanced at it {VERY SAFELY} and saw that my sister-in-law was wishing me a pleasant evening full of fun. . .oh and would I run a 5k with her? 

The having fun part was all nice and good but what kind of blasphemy was this running garbage?? That is what I should have said. But considering my scattered state I sent back a "Sure, that would be great!" 

Ummmmmm. . .excuse me?
In what world would that be great?
In the world where a hunky, tan, and dashing man picks you up and runs the 3.1 miles for you??
Possibly, but maybe not even then. 
I blame the massive amounts of hairspray that I had recently inhaled. 

So that is how I got fandangled into doing this madness. And folks, today was the day. 

It's not like I had to just go jog about, nope I had to pay for the privilege. Also the crazies decided to have it at 8am which means I had to leave my house at 6:45, now that is just downright sinful.

You were suppose to dress Christmas-y for this little shindig so I whipped this up the night before. 

My ears were quite warm, and I looked dang cute so that's a perk.

My running shoes appreciated being used for their intended purpose rather than just being worn cause they are darling and make me feel like Sporty Spice. On my left foot you will notice a little chip. . .it's there so that they can make sure it took me forever to finish, rather than just speculating. 

I'll have you know Judgey-Jogger Officials that I totally passed people! Okay so I passed a woman pushing a stroller, a lady with a dog, and some chick twice my age and size. Towards the end I passed a ten-year-old and his mom, alright I'm pathetic. I admit it.

This is us at the finish line. Which is why we are smiling. 
My face looked nothing like this mid-run it was more of a scowl that could curdle milk. 
Really I think I put Hitler to shame around the one mile marker.
I looked at that sign with complete dismay, because I had been running for about 12 years at that point. I almost sat down in the road and balled my eyes out, but then I remembered that I am 24-years-old. When you are 24 you better be pregnant, crazy, or bleeding from an open wound if you plan on sitting in a busy street and crying. Even then I would not suggest it.

Also I am not very savvy on 5k etiquette, so when the lovely man with the mustache handed me a cup of water halfway through I drank it gratefully and then crunched up the cup, and held it tightly in my fist and waited till I ran by a garbage can about a mile later to dispose of it. I saw the empty cups all along the side of the road near where his table was set up but it just seemed sooooo rude, "Thanks good sir for standing out in the cold, freezing your who-ha off just so that you can hand me some liquid libation, would you mind if I guzzled this and then chucked it to the side? So that you could also have the honor of picking up after me?!"
Runners are rude. Your running, not curing cancer. Get over yourselves.  

I am a tad bit victorious in these pictures, ya know. . .cause I didn't die.

All in all, things could have gone worse. I could have been hit by a car, sprained an ankle, broken a bone, or finished last.

I was so thrilled to be done with the stupid thing that I lost my mind on the way home. Kristine asked me if I would do another one with her. . .and I said yes.

Girly-Sissy Jogger Over and Out

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Looking for a good time? Try the dentist...

I don't like the dentist. It makes me sad. See?

Show me any kid or adult for that matter who likes the dentist and I will prove to you that:

a. they are mentally unstable
2. they probably are lying
D. they need a hobby, life, or friend
{if you do not understand the above listing pattern you do not deserve the breath you are selfishly breathing. It's called Home Alone look it up. Watch it. Love it.}

Okay that was a little harsh. Maybe there are people in this world who wake up in the morning and think, "I would really like to take a little drive to the local dental office. I just can't wait for a semi-stranger to stick their hands in my mouth and poke around for a bit. Oh and I really love to floss because flossing is great."

To those people I apologize.

But just so we are clear, I am still convinced that "those" people do not exist. 

Alright enough about them, let's talk about me. . .So I go to the dentist and right off the bat I am feeling pretty important. You see I went all by my lonesome. That's right, no mom, friend, or sibling for support. Just me and my irrational fear of dental care. Don't get me wrong I know brushing and flossing are important and what not but the dentist office is full of frightful sounds and smells. It sucks okay. So I get there 2 minutes late which is practically 5 minutes early in Cassie-Time and I check in (alone). Then I sit and wait (still alone). Yeah those jerky-jerks keep me waiting out in the lobby for 37 minutes. 37 minutes is plenty of time to think of multiple reasons why I needed to leave that establishment at a dead run. Sadly, my day dreams were interrupted by the sassy assistant calling my name.

The doctor actually did a really good job. I hardly felt the shot, and his hands didn't shake at all. Speaking of hands, his were the size of footballs. In case you were wondering I can't actually unhinge my jaw like a snake. So two footballs do not really fit in my mouth, at all. My lips may never be the same. Seeing as how he nearly ripped them from my face. I know for a girl who talks as much as I do that a small mouth seems pretty impossible, but believe me I have a mini mouth. and it hates the dentist.

Also what is with the dentist always asking you questions while holding a drill to your tooth.
"Seriously dude? How can I possibly talk to you? Your hands are in my face!!"

Because awesome stuff likes to happen to me, my mouth woke up half-way through the procedure. I arched my back in pain (seeing as I could not speak) Dentist man asks, "Oh are you in pain?" I felt like responding with, "No I just felt like now would be an opportune time to practice my back bends." but seeing as my mouth was full I just politely nodded my head. Mr. Football Fingers was very upset by hurting me so decided to really juice me up with the second shot. Consequently he numbed my nose canal and my upper lip, not to mention the entire right side of my face. I walked out of the there looking like a frazzled stroke victim and $200 bucks poorer.

...And there are people who like the dentist??? My left toe.

Mini Mouth Over and Out

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful on Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for.

This day is the day to remember that fact. And to eat a truck load of carbs. Gotta love it!

I Cassie Anna Clubb am thankful for:

*My parents: who still dance in the kitchen and have date night on Fridays

*My sisters: who complete me

*My brothers: who support and protect me

*My nieces and nephew: who give me the chance to spoil and adore them.
(seriously though I dare you not to melt as you walk into a room and two darling toddlers look up, point, and say, "Cass Cass". It is impossible. Gets me every time)

*Friends: I have the best ones. The kind that help me keep my standards high, make me laugh, and love me even though I am a quack. 

*The gospel of Jesus Christ: I love my Savior and I am so humbled to be able to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

*The United States: I am free, someone else fought for me to be. I love our country and those who keep it safe. 

*Exercise: "You are entirely up to you. Make your body. Make your life. Make yourself." Stole that quote from Nike, what a double, threat they make sexy shoes and give you sound advice. . .woot woot. Watch out Oprah, Nike is hot on your trail.

*Talents: Some people have a lot and some people only have a few. I like mine.

*Education: Learning is nice, when Professors aren't sweating, spitting, or glaring in my general direction that is. 

*My Cat: Yeah he drives my mom nuts, and he won't catch a mouse to save his chubby butt, plus he wakes me up at completely heinous hours of the morning, but he is loyal and he is always happy to see me. I like him.

*Pretty Things: I like to look nice, pretty things help accomplish that. Pretty things include: hair bows flowers ribbons, make-up, jewelry, accessories, and things that sparkle. Duh. 

*Love: Yeah so I don't actually have this yet (the love of your life kind) oh but one day I will and it will be awesome. Yep true story. 

*Food: nom nom nomm

We are all very blessed. But we are all human and tend to be fussy jerks most of the time. When you are focused on the negative it is the only thing you can see. It is no way to live. So you don't have it all? Life's not fair? People suck? Work is hard? Get a grip people! You weren't meant to have it all, I bet you have enough though. Life will never be fair, do you think complaining about it will change anything? People will always let you down, love them anyway. There are those who wish they had a way to provide for their families, remember that the next time your job drives you nuts. 

All I am sayin' is take a healthy dose of perspective and start loving your life. It is going to happen whether you enjoy it or not. So live, and live thankfully.

And eat pie. 

Thankful Cassie Over and Out

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I Like to Win

Please tell me that I am not the only one who sits in their room and listens to the same song on repeat for hours on end? At this point: yes I love the song, and yes hearing it over and over is calming and what not, but basically I just want to win the competition I made up that is between me and the iTunes counter. . .I want this song to have the most plays. I am on 28 only have to make it to 41 to win.

Is there a prize for winning, you ask? Nope. Who loses in the event of my victory, you wonder? 
Nobody. . .I am playing against an inanimate object for Pete's sake. 
{that reminds me. . .who the heck is Pete and why exactly to we care about his sake?} 

This is the face of a winner :)

 Speaking of weird-makes-no-dang-sense games I play. . .

Did I ever tell you about the one that happens every time I swipe my debit card?
I hope you realize that question was purely out of courtesy, I of course am here when I write these little do-bops so I know for a fact that I have not told you this.

Anywho each time I purchase something with my card I wait with baited breath to see if it will be approved. This is absolute nonsense when you consider the following reasons:

~I'm a crazy who balances their checkbook 3 or more times a week.

~I would NEVER buy something if I were unsure if there was enough money in the bank.


~I am independently wealthy. Money isn't an issue for me.


^ That is a big fatty lie. Like no joke that lie needs to go on a diet fo sho. 

Really though each time my card is "approved" I say, "Winner!!" with gusto. Out loud. Even when I am all alone. I have confused many a cashier <---when that happens I give myself extra points.

My lie is not the only heifer in the room, let me just tell ya. 
This is the part of the program where I admit that I have been slacking on the exercise lately. Admitting this tastes like vinegar. Or pure vanilla extract, just cause it smells like heaven does NOT mean you should taste it, just sayin'. Now that all 4 people who read this know about my lazy, lard-butt, lack of motivation I should be able to sufficiently guilt trip myself into getting up tomorrow and takin' on good ol' Jillian. 

I am planning on screaming winner all up in Jillian's face not gonna lie.

Winner-of-the-lazy-variety Over and Out

Monday, November 14, 2011

Its been awhile. . .

Okay kids, raise your hand if you miss my posts...
Anyone? Anyone at all...
This is a safe place, you can admit that you love my random tidbits.
Fine. Jerks. I will chose to rise above your harshness and keep on writing. I am hardcore that way. 

Do you remember Gigi in He's Just Not That Into You? That one scene where she stayed up all night and comes into the office with macaroni in her hair and looking like a garbage truck threw-up on her? 

 That is how I have been feeling for the past 9 days.

Just, ya know. . .minus the whole looking like a holy-pile-of-sexy-amazingness even though she is suppose to look like a hot mess. Also why are her friends so pretty? It is annoying. 

My sister had her baby.

This is Naomi. Talk about perfection! Also I made that headband *smiles gloatingly* 

I am having a randomness melt-down.

On my mind at this very moment:

*I wish I had shampoo that smelled like grapefruits

*I swear my heater is blowing out cold air

*I want to own an elf who would lay out my clothes while I sleep and make me matching shoes for each outfit

*If I claimed Naomi as my own, do you think Katie would mind?

*My Stress Management class causes me stress, how messed up is that?

*I wonder if Sacajawea talked crap about Lewis and Clark in her own language like the ladies at the nail salon do when I go get a manicure. . .

*I got my flirt back, apparently

*I really want a snuggie

*I wonder if hunters can watch Bambi with a clear conscious?

I think I need a nap. 

Gigi-Wanna-Be Over and Out

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Belated Birthday-ness

I fail. You wanna know why? I will tell you! 
On October 27th which was exactly 12 days ago my middle oldest brother (confusing, no?) had a birthday. It is true. He turned 1 year older and wiser too. But did I write him a little diddy? Nope. 

I have an excuse. I know we all love excuses 
[at least we like to compare them to butts and other random body parts]

Mine is actually awesome. My excuse, not my butt. . .well. . .they are both awesome. 
Anyways here it goes: Katie had her baby!!! On Spencer's Birthday!! I know what you are thinking, Katie's babies should really be more original. I mean Bella was born on Jade's birthday and now Naomi on Spence's. 

So although I would have loved to sit in front of my computer working up a literary masterpiece all about my brothers awesomeness I was otherwise detained.
I also had to skip a dentist appointment *shucks* <---not sad at all about that!

So here it is, the masterpiece I mean. . . 

Dear Big Brother,
 I feel sad for all the people who do not know you. They are missing out. You are strong, smart, clever, funny, important, patient, giving, talented and so much more. I feel lucky to have you for my forever friend. I try to emulate you and follow your great example. 
I am proud of you. Of all that you have overcome and accomplished. 
You = amazing. 
I know you are shaking your head right now, you probably don't believe me. You should know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am certain that you are unaware of how incredible you are. That makes you all the more special. I love you. Forever. 
Love, Little Sister  

 Must I always be the transparent ghost like one??? Stupid tan people.
 Look at that stud!

My brother is the best brother. Be jealous.

Happy-Birthday-to-Spen Over and Out

Monday, October 24, 2011

Mama Cass + Cassie = a whole lotta Cass

Monday mornings make me sad. Especially if I have procrastinated my homework all weekend long {always}

I think Mama Cass and I must be soul mates
[probably because we share a name and an unhealthy desire to eat. . .a lot]
No judgment here because I myself am an ex-heifer but if we are what we eat that lady shoulda eaten a skinny person. Although being chubby sorta worked for her, she was ya know rich, and talented, and famous. Some people have all the luck!

This is for you Mama Cass *clears throat* 
{Pretend I am singing loudly wearing my plaid pj pants and using my limegreen brush as a microphone}

. . .not that I would ever do that. . .

"Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way. . .Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time"

That having been said me, my pj pants, my bowl of dry fruit loops [which I eat like popcorn], and the bag of Sweet & Spicy trail mix are gonna attack my history homework like it owes us money.  Once we've beaten it within an inch of it's life we plan to dominate my English essay which is to be read in peer groups 

*that's fancy for having to strut your literary stuff to a bunch of bratty 20-something-year-olds who think they are better then you*

too bad for them that they don't know about the fact that I could pop out an essay in 20 minutes that would eat their essays for breakfast. The reason I don't talk much in class is because I am too busy ignoring all the dumb things that they are saying, NOT because I don't know the answer. . .duh.

Also take note that I am planning on eating something with the word "spicy" in the title. Yeah! That's happening! And this coming from a girl who thinks pepper is too hot. Bam. 

Truthfully I put my mouth through the torture of eating that stuff solely for the toffee covered peanuts. 
Yes, they are that good.

Monday-Hater Over and Out

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Jewelry is a girls best friend

I like to think I have substance, ya know...gusto. 

Oh but I don't.

How do I know?


My Aunt got me this:

 BAM {cute packaging}

 BAM BAM "Necklace of my dreams AhhHAhhhahhh" *Sung in a heavenly opera voice*

I sound like Emeril Lagasse up in this place. I love me some Emeril, nothin' wrong with a little chubby Italian dude shimmying around the kitchen working up pots of delicious goodness. Nope, nothin' wrong with that. 

Except ya know the calories. . .and the starch. . .and the fat. . .let's not forget the salt. . .

Okay so there may be a few things wrong with it, but I still dig the guy.

*holy random Cassie get back to business* 

Right-O, my Aunt sent me a necklace that I want to marry --lucky it, cause I am totally single-- and now she is my FAVORITE Aunt! 

Petty, unfair, shallow? I think not! My Aunt is hilarious! And fun! And kind, sweet, and understanding not to mention has excellent taste in Jewelry. 

The only way I could have loved this gift more is if she had sent me a little travel sized Emeril and a plate of noodles. . .all this Lagasse talk has me yearning for some pasta REAL BAD!

I wore this lovely today and I think it brought me good luck because I met a way cute boy today. He sorta knows I exist too. . .BONUS. . .

Thanks Aunt Ann, I love you!

Happy-Niece Over and Out

Friday, October 21, 2011

When it gets cold...

Once upon a time I was chilly as can be so I uttered these words,
"I want to own a polar bear and train it to hug me so that I will be warm and happy."

Mom looked at me calmly and replied, "Why not just buy a coat?" 

Why not, indeed?!? Oh I know cause that is boring and lame!

However, I think Mom is right on this one. Two separate situations led me to this conclusion
{neither of which was the fact that owning a polar bear is beyond unrealistic, I'm a dreamer. What can I say?} 

Situation Numero Uno: 

Al Gore is pretty sure that Polar Bears are drowning. . .I recently watched a documentary of his in which he looked like this. . . a lot
Now I'm not hatin' on him cause what he had to say made some sense. I got love for the dude but I'm not in love with all of him. Half the film was him boowhooin' it up because he didn't get to be President.
Seriously Mr. Gore?? Are you kidding me with this?? It's not as if you are in Kindergarten and someone stole your juice box. There was an election, where thousands of people voted, you lost. 
I'd say it's about time you get over it, if not for yourself, do it for the polar bears :) 
 This is one of the images he shows in his little video. 

"Ummm, excuse me Mr. Polar Bear, I don't want to bother you because I realize you are drowning and stuff, but would you like to come live in Missouri and hug me? Take your time getting back to me, you have about 5 good feet of ice left to sit on. No rush."

Bubble Busted! 

Situation Numero Dos:

Apparently polar bears aren't that nice. 

Katie's head would fit in that jaw, just sayin' 

My head is a bit rounder than most so I may be safe, but still. 

I hear they have tempers and I guess they will eat a human if the occasion arises. 

Bubble Busted Again!

New plan: Look into temperament of grizzly, black, and panda bears. 

Coats-Are-For-Losers Over and Out

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Before and After Business

Alright folks, I was putting pictures from my Mom's camera onto my computer today for the first time since she got it 2 years ago. . .yeah, that happened. Anywho the reason for this post is because I came across some pictures that both made me realize I use to be as huge as a house AND recognize how far I have come since then
. . .here we go. 
Hold onto your hats.
This is most definitely gonna be a bumpy ride: 

Before:  Two Thanksgivings ago (where I no doubt ate the whole myself...with my hands)
 After: This August

Before: At Kristine's Baby Shower 2 years ago
After: At a Field trip last Saturday

Okay two more and then I will stop this madness.

Before: Thanksgiving agian

After: Last August on our way to church :)

May I just say that my Mom is hot? Oh cause I just did! 

I am so proud of how far I have come.
I think sometimes we are just down right mean to ourselves. I know I still look in the mirror and pick myself apart, that is simply unfair.For look what I did!!! I did that! I changed me. 
I love me [in a not super stuck-up kind of way]
All this time I have been exercising and eating right and I did not know why. I had no real purpose in mind, well I am sure this was all in preparation for my next big adventure. I just know it. 

Skinny Over and Out

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Date With The Parentals

My dad is one lucky fella. Instead of having date night with just my mom he has been getting the opportunity to take me along as well. Like I said, Lucky Dad.

Last Friday he took us to see SIX in Branson. It was lovely. In fact the next morning I could hardly speak because I had cheered so loudly for those dudes. We had dinner there dad is an excellent date...nothing is too good for his girls.

There was cake. Cake = happiness and excess flub (the flub is totally worth it)
Those wiggly lines are where I could not resist tasting the raspberry drizzle.
I am not very lady like <---shocker? I think not.

Look at those big cuties! A match made in tan people heaven. I look like an albino walking along side these two. If people start calling me Powder we are gonna have to have words. Be forewarned name-callers I work out, I will hurt you.

So I am a lazy bones and did not feel like rotating this picture, try and pretend that it is facing right side up. I was trying to capture the ambiance of the Hughes Brothers Theater...that's an oil lamp by the way not a tea candle, fancy I know. Too bad our oil lamp was not full of oil and consequently burnt out before our food reached the table. Cheap-skates just sayin'.

Also this was sitting on our table:
That is how classy people beg for tips. Awesome. 

The best part of our date would have to be the LADY WITH THE RED FLAG she is kind of a big deal (hence the capital letters and underline)
So we are sitting up in the balcony because that is where dinner is served and we notice people streaming in and taking there seats waiting for the show to begin. Along comes this lady holding a red flag high in the air with full-grown adults following behind her as if she is the mother duck of the theater and they are the idiotic ducklings. 
I mentioned to my parents that there were a total of 6 people following her and could they not have done so without the ridiculous flag? I could have handled it if this scenario had happened only once but NOOO this dang lady comes in marching her troops over and over again. Even once the people were seated the lady kept walking holding that flag high. . .can you say power trip?? 

Look closely, past the baldy and the two old broads. . .there is that blasted flag and the six dummies following it. Best. Thing. Ever. 

I love going on dates with my parents, if you think that's lame you obviously haven't been paid for and lovingly taken care of without the weird "do I owe him a goodnight kiss?" thing hanging over your head.Yeah, I'll give you a minute to think about that!! In your face!

Third-Wheel Over and Out

Friday, October 14, 2011

"Are you feeling okay?" Code for "Hey! you look like Crap!"

So yesterday was a blaaa day. I got up and pretended to care. I put on clothes and combed my hair.
{that rhymes. . .giggle giggle}

I'll admit that by no means was I feeling hot-to-trot. I was tired and fussy and wanted to stay in bed FOR-EV-ER. It certainly did not make me feel like skipping through a field of daises when I walked into the shop and my father says, "Are you feeling okay *long pause* you look *more pausing and a gulp* tired." 

TRANSLATION: "Cassie you look like a steaming pile of ugly." 

I could have ignored my daddy, but a close friend of the family and a complete stranger verified his accusation. 

Well those three pictures show exactly how I feel about that. Bite me. So there.

Bella thinks I am beautiful and a rockstar. She wins, they lose.

Rockstar Over and Out

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Mama Smith made this jam. I think she might be a magician, because this stuff is magical let me just tell ya. I literally begged for a jar of it while I was at her house, like a homeless puppy or something equally pathetic and hungry.

This stuff is also magical. Which means Skippy must be a magician too. Obviously.

Yes, I am the kind of girl who spreads PB & J with a spoon. Deal with it.    

I am also the kind of girl who licks said spoon {this can't actually surprise you, if it does you're dumb}
This picture makes me want to sing Spice Girls. . .so I will . . . "Cause tonight is the night, when two become one!!"

MMMmmmm Peanut Butter!! My dad has been grumpy at me for not eating enough calories these last few days, he should be thrilled because peanut butter is jam packed with both calories AND fat! Bonus! I am not gonna lie, if peanut butter were a person I would totally Facebook stalk it. . .yep, I went there.

Dinner fit for a queen.

Nom Nomm Nommmm!!
What every college student wants to do after a long day of work and classes is devour a truly delectable snack, and its name is peanut butter and jelly. There are the occasional nay-sayers who think this snack is yucky. . .they are normally snooty-booties OR have peanut allergies {sissys}

Whatev. More for Cassie. 

PB & J Lover Over and Out