Monday, January 2, 2012

Lessons Learned in Twenty-Eleven

I have learned many things in the past year.
Some lessons were much more meaningful than others.
And I would like to share a few with ya'll.

Here goes:

*hair thickening shampoo is a scam, I repeat A SCAM! My hair is still skinny as ever.

*School. It's not so scary after all. Expensive, yes. Hard, sometimes. Worth it? Definitely. 
*Babies are the best thing in the world, better still when you are not the one expected to actually birth said baby. I have seen enough to know that I will be begging for an epidural by week 29. I'm a wuss, what can I say?

*Infomercials were created for the weak of heart, do not give in. If any commercial has the words, "But wait! There's more!!" Flashing anywhere on the screen then quickly close your eyes, cover your ears with your hands, and hum a relaxing tune. Or find something heavy to chuck at the t.v. <----this option is only for the independently wealthy (such as myself) t.v.s don't grow on trees ya know! 

*Flossing doesn't seem so terrible when you are faced with the alternative of needing to have 6 dental appointments of doom within a 36 day span of time. Floss is your friend. Embrace the floss.

*Who needs soda? Ummm no one! No soda for the entire year of 2011 and I feel great. I will admit that sometimes I miss Coke like it were an old boyfriend or something, then I remember that all of my old boyfriends were jerks and I feel just fine. 

*Sometimes Best Friends leave. That is why God created families. If you have chocolate, sisters, and hope you can get through anything. Its a proven fact.

*Big brothers. If you don't have one, adopt one. Nuff said. Just not mine, cause I am not sharing.

*If you think you are somehow not worthy of happiness then I implore you, please think again. 
This next part is mostly for the females: Sometimes boys will make you feel like garbage
(actually they make you feel like the slime left behind after the garbage has been trampled on by angry man elephants. The elephants in this scenario are male because girls are too dainty to trample, even when they are pachyderms) If ever a boy makes you feel this way two things should be remembered: 1. You need a man, not a boy. 2. He is not the man for you. 

*Exercise ROCKS! It makes you sweaty, happy, skinny, and snappy. 

*You are braver than you think.

*Money isn't everything.

*The laughter of giggling baby girls while you smother them with kisses, is. 

*Speaking of kisses, you really shouldn't just pass those out to anybody. It's not gum people. Gum you can share with the masses, your lips on the other hand, not so much.

*Happiness is a choice, choose it.

Some of the hardest things I will ever have to do in my life, I did this year. I didn't do them alone, I am not sure that I could have. Thank heavens for family and friends and the ability to start anew. 

Hello 2012, I think we are going to be good pals you and I. You seem like a proper bloke. Cheers!

New Me Over and Out

Monday, December 26, 2011

"Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!"

Yesterday was Christmas, which means that one day ago my whole family (with the exception of one very missed middle big brother) and I got together had some food, opened some gifts, talked really loud so as to drown out the family member sitting next to us, and enjoyed the controlled chaos that is the Clubb Family.

It was blissful.

Fun Fun for everyone, more fun for the youngins who got about a trillion presents each but hey ya can't be young forever. Unless your Victoria Beckham because that chick still looks exactly the same as she did in Spice World. 
Posh for Life!!

So Christmas was great, but today. . .today was the <----yes I just said that. 
I watched Gilmore Girls all day long. The WHOLE day! I had three 6 minute breaks to switch and fold the laundry, two 3 minute potty breaks, and once I sprinted up the stairs to refill my water and bowl of muddy buddies. It was thrilling!! Pajama pants, pony tail, and a pair of my dads extra big socks. 
This is the life!

Yay for Christmas and Gilmore Girls.

Lazy Elf Over and Out

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Jingle Bell 5K

If you have ever met me I am sure our introductions went something like this:
"Hi, I'm Cassie. I hate running, what's your name?"

There are a few variations to this of course. I might have told you that I do not like long walks on the beach (too much like running) or getting caught in the rain (too much like swimming, which if done on dry land would be a lot like running) or pina coladas (but I do like the little umbrellas, if they were big you could use them if you ever got caught in the rain). 

That having been said, the other night I was flustered and clearly vulnerable. It had been a long day of primping and glam in which I was preparing to go to a formal dance. I remember I was driving and it was raining (not cool, I spent an hour curling my hair. Stupid rain.) When my phone went off, I glanced at it {VERY SAFELY} and saw that my sister-in-law was wishing me a pleasant evening full of fun. . .oh and would I run a 5k with her? 

The having fun part was all nice and good but what kind of blasphemy was this running garbage?? That is what I should have said. But considering my scattered state I sent back a "Sure, that would be great!" 

Ummmmmm. . .excuse me?
In what world would that be great?
In the world where a hunky, tan, and dashing man picks you up and runs the 3.1 miles for you??
Possibly, but maybe not even then. 
I blame the massive amounts of hairspray that I had recently inhaled. 

So that is how I got fandangled into doing this madness. And folks, today was the day. 

It's not like I had to just go jog about, nope I had to pay for the privilege. Also the crazies decided to have it at 8am which means I had to leave my house at 6:45, now that is just downright sinful.

You were suppose to dress Christmas-y for this little shindig so I whipped this up the night before. 

My ears were quite warm, and I looked dang cute so that's a perk.

My running shoes appreciated being used for their intended purpose rather than just being worn cause they are darling and make me feel like Sporty Spice. On my left foot you will notice a little chip. . .it's there so that they can make sure it took me forever to finish, rather than just speculating. 

I'll have you know Judgey-Jogger Officials that I totally passed people! Okay so I passed a woman pushing a stroller, a lady with a dog, and some chick twice my age and size. Towards the end I passed a ten-year-old and his mom, alright I'm pathetic. I admit it.

This is us at the finish line. Which is why we are smiling. 
My face looked nothing like this mid-run it was more of a scowl that could curdle milk. 
Really I think I put Hitler to shame around the one mile marker.
I looked at that sign with complete dismay, because I had been running for about 12 years at that point. I almost sat down in the road and balled my eyes out, but then I remembered that I am 24-years-old. When you are 24 you better be pregnant, crazy, or bleeding from an open wound if you plan on sitting in a busy street and crying. Even then I would not suggest it.

Also I am not very savvy on 5k etiquette, so when the lovely man with the mustache handed me a cup of water halfway through I drank it gratefully and then crunched up the cup, and held it tightly in my fist and waited till I ran by a garbage can about a mile later to dispose of it. I saw the empty cups all along the side of the road near where his table was set up but it just seemed sooooo rude, "Thanks good sir for standing out in the cold, freezing your who-ha off just so that you can hand me some liquid libation, would you mind if I guzzled this and then chucked it to the side? So that you could also have the honor of picking up after me?!"
Runners are rude. Your running, not curing cancer. Get over yourselves.  

I am a tad bit victorious in these pictures, ya know. . .cause I didn't die.

All in all, things could have gone worse. I could have been hit by a car, sprained an ankle, broken a bone, or finished last.

I was so thrilled to be done with the stupid thing that I lost my mind on the way home. Kristine asked me if I would do another one with her. . .and I said yes.

Girly-Sissy Jogger Over and Out

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Looking for a good time? Try the dentist...

I don't like the dentist. It makes me sad. See?

Show me any kid or adult for that matter who likes the dentist and I will prove to you that:

a. they are mentally unstable
2. they probably are lying
D. they need a hobby, life, or friend
{if you do not understand the above listing pattern you do not deserve the breath you are selfishly breathing. It's called Home Alone look it up. Watch it. Love it.}

Okay that was a little harsh. Maybe there are people in this world who wake up in the morning and think, "I would really like to take a little drive to the local dental office. I just can't wait for a semi-stranger to stick their hands in my mouth and poke around for a bit. Oh and I really love to floss because flossing is great."

To those people I apologize.

But just so we are clear, I am still convinced that "those" people do not exist. 

Alright enough about them, let's talk about me. . .So I go to the dentist and right off the bat I am feeling pretty important. You see I went all by my lonesome. That's right, no mom, friend, or sibling for support. Just me and my irrational fear of dental care. Don't get me wrong I know brushing and flossing are important and what not but the dentist office is full of frightful sounds and smells. It sucks okay. So I get there 2 minutes late which is practically 5 minutes early in Cassie-Time and I check in (alone). Then I sit and wait (still alone). Yeah those jerky-jerks keep me waiting out in the lobby for 37 minutes. 37 minutes is plenty of time to think of multiple reasons why I needed to leave that establishment at a dead run. Sadly, my day dreams were interrupted by the sassy assistant calling my name.

The doctor actually did a really good job. I hardly felt the shot, and his hands didn't shake at all. Speaking of hands, his were the size of footballs. In case you were wondering I can't actually unhinge my jaw like a snake. So two footballs do not really fit in my mouth, at all. My lips may never be the same. Seeing as how he nearly ripped them from my face. I know for a girl who talks as much as I do that a small mouth seems pretty impossible, but believe me I have a mini mouth. and it hates the dentist.

Also what is with the dentist always asking you questions while holding a drill to your tooth.
"Seriously dude? How can I possibly talk to you? Your hands are in my face!!"

Because awesome stuff likes to happen to me, my mouth woke up half-way through the procedure. I arched my back in pain (seeing as I could not speak) Dentist man asks, "Oh are you in pain?" I felt like responding with, "No I just felt like now would be an opportune time to practice my back bends." but seeing as my mouth was full I just politely nodded my head. Mr. Football Fingers was very upset by hurting me so decided to really juice me up with the second shot. Consequently he numbed my nose canal and my upper lip, not to mention the entire right side of my face. I walked out of the there looking like a frazzled stroke victim and $200 bucks poorer.

...And there are people who like the dentist??? My left toe.

Mini Mouth Over and Out

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful on Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for.

This day is the day to remember that fact. And to eat a truck load of carbs. Gotta love it!

I Cassie Anna Clubb am thankful for:

*My parents: who still dance in the kitchen and have date night on Fridays

*My sisters: who complete me

*My brothers: who support and protect me

*My nieces and nephew: who give me the chance to spoil and adore them.
(seriously though I dare you not to melt as you walk into a room and two darling toddlers look up, point, and say, "Cass Cass". It is impossible. Gets me every time)

*Friends: I have the best ones. The kind that help me keep my standards high, make me laugh, and love me even though I am a quack. 

*The gospel of Jesus Christ: I love my Savior and I am so humbled to be able to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

*The United States: I am free, someone else fought for me to be. I love our country and those who keep it safe. 

*Exercise: "You are entirely up to you. Make your body. Make your life. Make yourself." Stole that quote from Nike, what a double, threat they make sexy shoes and give you sound advice. . .woot woot. Watch out Oprah, Nike is hot on your trail.

*Talents: Some people have a lot and some people only have a few. I like mine.

*Education: Learning is nice, when Professors aren't sweating, spitting, or glaring in my general direction that is. 

*My Cat: Yeah he drives my mom nuts, and he won't catch a mouse to save his chubby butt, plus he wakes me up at completely heinous hours of the morning, but he is loyal and he is always happy to see me. I like him.

*Pretty Things: I like to look nice, pretty things help accomplish that. Pretty things include: hair bows flowers ribbons, make-up, jewelry, accessories, and things that sparkle. Duh. 

*Love: Yeah so I don't actually have this yet (the love of your life kind) oh but one day I will and it will be awesome. Yep true story. 

*Food: nom nom nomm

We are all very blessed. But we are all human and tend to be fussy jerks most of the time. When you are focused on the negative it is the only thing you can see. It is no way to live. So you don't have it all? Life's not fair? People suck? Work is hard? Get a grip people! You weren't meant to have it all, I bet you have enough though. Life will never be fair, do you think complaining about it will change anything? People will always let you down, love them anyway. There are those who wish they had a way to provide for their families, remember that the next time your job drives you nuts. 

All I am sayin' is take a healthy dose of perspective and start loving your life. It is going to happen whether you enjoy it or not. So live, and live thankfully.

And eat pie. 

Thankful Cassie Over and Out

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I Like to Win

Please tell me that I am not the only one who sits in their room and listens to the same song on repeat for hours on end? At this point: yes I love the song, and yes hearing it over and over is calming and what not, but basically I just want to win the competition I made up that is between me and the iTunes counter. . .I want this song to have the most plays. I am on 28 only have to make it to 41 to win.

Is there a prize for winning, you ask? Nope. Who loses in the event of my victory, you wonder? 
Nobody. . .I am playing against an inanimate object for Pete's sake. 
{that reminds me. . .who the heck is Pete and why exactly to we care about his sake?} 

This is the face of a winner :)

 Speaking of weird-makes-no-dang-sense games I play. . .

Did I ever tell you about the one that happens every time I swipe my debit card?
I hope you realize that question was purely out of courtesy, I of course am here when I write these little do-bops so I know for a fact that I have not told you this.

Anywho each time I purchase something with my card I wait with baited breath to see if it will be approved. This is absolute nonsense when you consider the following reasons:

~I'm a crazy who balances their checkbook 3 or more times a week.

~I would NEVER buy something if I were unsure if there was enough money in the bank.


~I am independently wealthy. Money isn't an issue for me.


^ That is a big fatty lie. Like no joke that lie needs to go on a diet fo sho. 

Really though each time my card is "approved" I say, "Winner!!" with gusto. Out loud. Even when I am all alone. I have confused many a cashier <---when that happens I give myself extra points.

My lie is not the only heifer in the room, let me just tell ya. 
This is the part of the program where I admit that I have been slacking on the exercise lately. Admitting this tastes like vinegar. Or pure vanilla extract, just cause it smells like heaven does NOT mean you should taste it, just sayin'. Now that all 4 people who read this know about my lazy, lard-butt, lack of motivation I should be able to sufficiently guilt trip myself into getting up tomorrow and takin' on good ol' Jillian. 

I am planning on screaming winner all up in Jillian's face not gonna lie.

Winner-of-the-lazy-variety Over and Out

Monday, November 14, 2011

Its been awhile. . .

Okay kids, raise your hand if you miss my posts...
Anyone? Anyone at all...
This is a safe place, you can admit that you love my random tidbits.
Fine. Jerks. I will chose to rise above your harshness and keep on writing. I am hardcore that way. 

Do you remember Gigi in He's Just Not That Into You? That one scene where she stayed up all night and comes into the office with macaroni in her hair and looking like a garbage truck threw-up on her? 

 That is how I have been feeling for the past 9 days.

Just, ya know. . .minus the whole looking like a holy-pile-of-sexy-amazingness even though she is suppose to look like a hot mess. Also why are her friends so pretty? It is annoying. 

My sister had her baby.

This is Naomi. Talk about perfection! Also I made that headband *smiles gloatingly* 

I am having a randomness melt-down.

On my mind at this very moment:

*I wish I had shampoo that smelled like grapefruits

*I swear my heater is blowing out cold air

*I want to own an elf who would lay out my clothes while I sleep and make me matching shoes for each outfit

*If I claimed Naomi as my own, do you think Katie would mind?

*My Stress Management class causes me stress, how messed up is that?

*I wonder if Sacajawea talked crap about Lewis and Clark in her own language like the ladies at the nail salon do when I go get a manicure. . .

*I got my flirt back, apparently

*I really want a snuggie

*I wonder if hunters can watch Bambi with a clear conscious?

I think I need a nap. 

Gigi-Wanna-Be Over and Out