Thursday, December 1, 2011

Looking for a good time? Try the dentist...

I don't like the dentist. It makes me sad. See?

Show me any kid or adult for that matter who likes the dentist and I will prove to you that:

a. they are mentally unstable
2. they probably are lying
D. they need a hobby, life, or friend
{if you do not understand the above listing pattern you do not deserve the breath you are selfishly breathing. It's called Home Alone look it up. Watch it. Love it.}

Okay that was a little harsh. Maybe there are people in this world who wake up in the morning and think, "I would really like to take a little drive to the local dental office. I just can't wait for a semi-stranger to stick their hands in my mouth and poke around for a bit. Oh and I really love to floss because flossing is great."

To those people I apologize.

But just so we are clear, I am still convinced that "those" people do not exist. 

Alright enough about them, let's talk about me. . .So I go to the dentist and right off the bat I am feeling pretty important. You see I went all by my lonesome. That's right, no mom, friend, or sibling for support. Just me and my irrational fear of dental care. Don't get me wrong I know brushing and flossing are important and what not but the dentist office is full of frightful sounds and smells. It sucks okay. So I get there 2 minutes late which is practically 5 minutes early in Cassie-Time and I check in (alone). Then I sit and wait (still alone). Yeah those jerky-jerks keep me waiting out in the lobby for 37 minutes. 37 minutes is plenty of time to think of multiple reasons why I needed to leave that establishment at a dead run. Sadly, my day dreams were interrupted by the sassy assistant calling my name.

The doctor actually did a really good job. I hardly felt the shot, and his hands didn't shake at all. Speaking of hands, his were the size of footballs. In case you were wondering I can't actually unhinge my jaw like a snake. So two footballs do not really fit in my mouth, at all. My lips may never be the same. Seeing as how he nearly ripped them from my face. I know for a girl who talks as much as I do that a small mouth seems pretty impossible, but believe me I have a mini mouth. and it hates the dentist.

Also what is with the dentist always asking you questions while holding a drill to your tooth.
"Seriously dude? How can I possibly talk to you? Your hands are in my face!!"

Because awesome stuff likes to happen to me, my mouth woke up half-way through the procedure. I arched my back in pain (seeing as I could not speak) Dentist man asks, "Oh are you in pain?" I felt like responding with, "No I just felt like now would be an opportune time to practice my back bends." but seeing as my mouth was full I just politely nodded my head. Mr. Football Fingers was very upset by hurting me so decided to really juice me up with the second shot. Consequently he numbed my nose canal and my upper lip, not to mention the entire right side of my face. I walked out of the there looking like a frazzled stroke victim and $200 bucks poorer.

...And there are people who like the dentist??? My left toe.

Mini Mouth Over and Out

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