Saturday, December 10, 2011

Jingle Bell 5K

If you have ever met me I am sure our introductions went something like this:
"Hi, I'm Cassie. I hate running, what's your name?"

There are a few variations to this of course. I might have told you that I do not like long walks on the beach (too much like running) or getting caught in the rain (too much like swimming, which if done on dry land would be a lot like running) or pina coladas (but I do like the little umbrellas, if they were big you could use them if you ever got caught in the rain). 

That having been said, the other night I was flustered and clearly vulnerable. It had been a long day of primping and glam in which I was preparing to go to a formal dance. I remember I was driving and it was raining (not cool, I spent an hour curling my hair. Stupid rain.) When my phone went off, I glanced at it {VERY SAFELY} and saw that my sister-in-law was wishing me a pleasant evening full of fun. . .oh and would I run a 5k with her? 

The having fun part was all nice and good but what kind of blasphemy was this running garbage?? That is what I should have said. But considering my scattered state I sent back a "Sure, that would be great!" 

Ummmmmm. . .excuse me?
In what world would that be great?
In the world where a hunky, tan, and dashing man picks you up and runs the 3.1 miles for you??
Possibly, but maybe not even then. 
I blame the massive amounts of hairspray that I had recently inhaled. 

So that is how I got fandangled into doing this madness. And folks, today was the day. 

It's not like I had to just go jog about, nope I had to pay for the privilege. Also the crazies decided to have it at 8am which means I had to leave my house at 6:45, now that is just downright sinful.

You were suppose to dress Christmas-y for this little shindig so I whipped this up the night before. 

My ears were quite warm, and I looked dang cute so that's a perk.

My running shoes appreciated being used for their intended purpose rather than just being worn cause they are darling and make me feel like Sporty Spice. On my left foot you will notice a little chip. . .it's there so that they can make sure it took me forever to finish, rather than just speculating. 

I'll have you know Judgey-Jogger Officials that I totally passed people! Okay so I passed a woman pushing a stroller, a lady with a dog, and some chick twice my age and size. Towards the end I passed a ten-year-old and his mom, alright I'm pathetic. I admit it.

This is us at the finish line. Which is why we are smiling. 
My face looked nothing like this mid-run it was more of a scowl that could curdle milk. 
Really I think I put Hitler to shame around the one mile marker.
I looked at that sign with complete dismay, because I had been running for about 12 years at that point. I almost sat down in the road and balled my eyes out, but then I remembered that I am 24-years-old. When you are 24 you better be pregnant, crazy, or bleeding from an open wound if you plan on sitting in a busy street and crying. Even then I would not suggest it.

Also I am not very savvy on 5k etiquette, so when the lovely man with the mustache handed me a cup of water halfway through I drank it gratefully and then crunched up the cup, and held it tightly in my fist and waited till I ran by a garbage can about a mile later to dispose of it. I saw the empty cups all along the side of the road near where his table was set up but it just seemed sooooo rude, "Thanks good sir for standing out in the cold, freezing your who-ha off just so that you can hand me some liquid libation, would you mind if I guzzled this and then chucked it to the side? So that you could also have the honor of picking up after me?!"
Runners are rude. Your running, not curing cancer. Get over yourselves.  

I am a tad bit victorious in these pictures, ya know. . .cause I didn't die.

All in all, things could have gone worse. I could have been hit by a car, sprained an ankle, broken a bone, or finished last.

I was so thrilled to be done with the stupid thing that I lost my mind on the way home. Kristine asked me if I would do another one with her. . .and I said yes.

Girly-Sissy Jogger Over and Out

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