Monday, December 26, 2011

"Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!"

Yesterday was Christmas, which means that one day ago my whole family (with the exception of one very missed middle big brother) and I got together had some food, opened some gifts, talked really loud so as to drown out the family member sitting next to us, and enjoyed the controlled chaos that is the Clubb Family.

It was blissful.

Fun Fun for everyone, more fun for the youngins who got about a trillion presents each but hey ya can't be young forever. Unless your Victoria Beckham because that chick still looks exactly the same as she did in Spice World. 
Posh for Life!!

So Christmas was great, but today. . .today was the <----yes I just said that. 
I watched Gilmore Girls all day long. The WHOLE day! I had three 6 minute breaks to switch and fold the laundry, two 3 minute potty breaks, and once I sprinted up the stairs to refill my water and bowl of muddy buddies. It was thrilling!! Pajama pants, pony tail, and a pair of my dads extra big socks. 
This is the life!

Yay for Christmas and Gilmore Girls.

Lazy Elf Over and Out

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Jingle Bell 5K

If you have ever met me I am sure our introductions went something like this:
"Hi, I'm Cassie. I hate running, what's your name?"

There are a few variations to this of course. I might have told you that I do not like long walks on the beach (too much like running) or getting caught in the rain (too much like swimming, which if done on dry land would be a lot like running) or pina coladas (but I do like the little umbrellas, if they were big you could use them if you ever got caught in the rain). 

That having been said, the other night I was flustered and clearly vulnerable. It had been a long day of primping and glam in which I was preparing to go to a formal dance. I remember I was driving and it was raining (not cool, I spent an hour curling my hair. Stupid rain.) When my phone went off, I glanced at it {VERY SAFELY} and saw that my sister-in-law was wishing me a pleasant evening full of fun. . .oh and would I run a 5k with her? 

The having fun part was all nice and good but what kind of blasphemy was this running garbage?? That is what I should have said. But considering my scattered state I sent back a "Sure, that would be great!" 

Ummmmmm. . .excuse me?
In what world would that be great?
In the world where a hunky, tan, and dashing man picks you up and runs the 3.1 miles for you??
Possibly, but maybe not even then. 
I blame the massive amounts of hairspray that I had recently inhaled. 

So that is how I got fandangled into doing this madness. And folks, today was the day. 

It's not like I had to just go jog about, nope I had to pay for the privilege. Also the crazies decided to have it at 8am which means I had to leave my house at 6:45, now that is just downright sinful.

You were suppose to dress Christmas-y for this little shindig so I whipped this up the night before. 

My ears were quite warm, and I looked dang cute so that's a perk.

My running shoes appreciated being used for their intended purpose rather than just being worn cause they are darling and make me feel like Sporty Spice. On my left foot you will notice a little chip. . .it's there so that they can make sure it took me forever to finish, rather than just speculating. 

I'll have you know Judgey-Jogger Officials that I totally passed people! Okay so I passed a woman pushing a stroller, a lady with a dog, and some chick twice my age and size. Towards the end I passed a ten-year-old and his mom, alright I'm pathetic. I admit it.

This is us at the finish line. Which is why we are smiling. 
My face looked nothing like this mid-run it was more of a scowl that could curdle milk. 
Really I think I put Hitler to shame around the one mile marker.
I looked at that sign with complete dismay, because I had been running for about 12 years at that point. I almost sat down in the road and balled my eyes out, but then I remembered that I am 24-years-old. When you are 24 you better be pregnant, crazy, or bleeding from an open wound if you plan on sitting in a busy street and crying. Even then I would not suggest it.

Also I am not very savvy on 5k etiquette, so when the lovely man with the mustache handed me a cup of water halfway through I drank it gratefully and then crunched up the cup, and held it tightly in my fist and waited till I ran by a garbage can about a mile later to dispose of it. I saw the empty cups all along the side of the road near where his table was set up but it just seemed sooooo rude, "Thanks good sir for standing out in the cold, freezing your who-ha off just so that you can hand me some liquid libation, would you mind if I guzzled this and then chucked it to the side? So that you could also have the honor of picking up after me?!"
Runners are rude. Your running, not curing cancer. Get over yourselves.  

I am a tad bit victorious in these pictures, ya know. . .cause I didn't die.

All in all, things could have gone worse. I could have been hit by a car, sprained an ankle, broken a bone, or finished last.

I was so thrilled to be done with the stupid thing that I lost my mind on the way home. Kristine asked me if I would do another one with her. . .and I said yes.

Girly-Sissy Jogger Over and Out

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Looking for a good time? Try the dentist...

I don't like the dentist. It makes me sad. See?

Show me any kid or adult for that matter who likes the dentist and I will prove to you that:

a. they are mentally unstable
2. they probably are lying
D. they need a hobby, life, or friend
{if you do not understand the above listing pattern you do not deserve the breath you are selfishly breathing. It's called Home Alone look it up. Watch it. Love it.}

Okay that was a little harsh. Maybe there are people in this world who wake up in the morning and think, "I would really like to take a little drive to the local dental office. I just can't wait for a semi-stranger to stick their hands in my mouth and poke around for a bit. Oh and I really love to floss because flossing is great."

To those people I apologize.

But just so we are clear, I am still convinced that "those" people do not exist. 

Alright enough about them, let's talk about me. . .So I go to the dentist and right off the bat I am feeling pretty important. You see I went all by my lonesome. That's right, no mom, friend, or sibling for support. Just me and my irrational fear of dental care. Don't get me wrong I know brushing and flossing are important and what not but the dentist office is full of frightful sounds and smells. It sucks okay. So I get there 2 minutes late which is practically 5 minutes early in Cassie-Time and I check in (alone). Then I sit and wait (still alone). Yeah those jerky-jerks keep me waiting out in the lobby for 37 minutes. 37 minutes is plenty of time to think of multiple reasons why I needed to leave that establishment at a dead run. Sadly, my day dreams were interrupted by the sassy assistant calling my name.

The doctor actually did a really good job. I hardly felt the shot, and his hands didn't shake at all. Speaking of hands, his were the size of footballs. In case you were wondering I can't actually unhinge my jaw like a snake. So two footballs do not really fit in my mouth, at all. My lips may never be the same. Seeing as how he nearly ripped them from my face. I know for a girl who talks as much as I do that a small mouth seems pretty impossible, but believe me I have a mini mouth. and it hates the dentist.

Also what is with the dentist always asking you questions while holding a drill to your tooth.
"Seriously dude? How can I possibly talk to you? Your hands are in my face!!"

Because awesome stuff likes to happen to me, my mouth woke up half-way through the procedure. I arched my back in pain (seeing as I could not speak) Dentist man asks, "Oh are you in pain?" I felt like responding with, "No I just felt like now would be an opportune time to practice my back bends." but seeing as my mouth was full I just politely nodded my head. Mr. Football Fingers was very upset by hurting me so decided to really juice me up with the second shot. Consequently he numbed my nose canal and my upper lip, not to mention the entire right side of my face. I walked out of the there looking like a frazzled stroke victim and $200 bucks poorer.

...And there are people who like the dentist??? My left toe.

Mini Mouth Over and Out