Saturday, July 9, 2011

Dad, me and the Ants make three!

Daddy and Me

(there is a reason they say 3's a crowd. . .just sayin)

My father and I drove to St. Louis today, it's about a 4 hour trip so it's do-able but not exactly pleasant. We took Sadie (that's what we named our 1982 Mercedes). To hear my father talk about her you would think this car could walk on water, make you waffles for breakfast, and balance your checkbook. She can't do any of those things but she didn't blow-up so SCORE! 

 Sadie!! (try and ignore the love birds on top. . .this was the only picture I could find)

So I'm sitting in the passenger seat listening to awful-old-man country music just "trying to have a nice day" as my brother says, when I feel something on my leg...look down and it's a harmless little ant. If there is one thing I have learned from living in a fort it's that when there is one ant there are many. Sure enough I do a thorough examination of the floor boards and "Hello ant colony, happily snacking on chip crumbs and random edible tidbits." 

Hmmmm, how can this be? We are literally traveling in a moving vehicle! How the heck are these stupid little dudes in here??? More importantly how the hell am I going to get them out? I am not an exterminator (although I would be awesome at that job...I look pretty hot in jumpsuits) Also we are going about 7 miles faster then we should be while my father "goes into Seattle driver mode" <----Believe me it's not pretty, not safe, and completely nauseating. I give, the ants are coming to St. Louis.
The only thought that comforted me was, "Well if dad gets us killed with his crazy driving, these ants don't stand a chance." *Que evil villain laugher*

I try to ignore them, honest I do. But, it's like they are playing a game of "who can climb the fleshy mountain that is Cassie's leg first" and let me tell you that ants are dumb, I guess I should have expected that. . .they are so small there is hardly room for a brain. The winner of the crawl-up-my-body game always got a nice swift crunch of my thumb to their face = certain death. Like I said, DUMB. What exactly did they think they would gain from the excursion up my lower body? . . .wait a minute! I'm wearing a skirt! These ants have gone from slightly annoying to insect-sickos! Now I can't be certain that all those little creepers were in fact "creeping" on me but to be safe I stomped all over their happy little feast right there on the carpet of Sadie's floor. 

Cassie: 1 Ants: 0 Ants that got a peek at my lady-junk: -23

Violated-Via-Insects Over and Out